I love black thongs
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
