there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Also, beer. Big fan.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
