remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
