Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
