I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
