3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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