So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
