From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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