I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
