this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
