Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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