Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
