i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
