if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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