I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
