So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
