Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Randomize
