you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
