It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I believe in your delicious
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
