We got so high we made milksteak
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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