If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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