According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
