my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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