No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
