Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
