Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
