im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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