There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
