So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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