I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
