she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
