I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
