he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
