i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
