just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
