I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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