how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
