I got chris browned last night
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
