her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
