I want to stick my p in your. b.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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