Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
