You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
