i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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