Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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