my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
