My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
