So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
