Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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