I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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