Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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