I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
