just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
