She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
