she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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